Lights, Camera… Oh no.

The worst possible accident to have at work.

Caught Short poo stories

Submitted by Hannah M
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When I was starting out in television production, I spent a couple of months temping on a TV drama. We were filming in a large suburban house just outside of London, and being the young newbie, I had to be on set watch while the rest of the crew took their lunch break. Fairly quickly, I’d finished my own packed lunch, had flicked through the dog-eared newspapers, and still had 20 minutes before everyone else was due back on set.

I rolled up one of the newspapers under my arm and took myself up to the first floor bathroom to make the best use of my time. It was only after I’d done my business that I realised I’d made a very grave mistake. I pulled on the chain hanging down from the cistern, and it didn’t budge. I took a closer look at the toilet. My heart sank. Yes this was a prop toilet.

I realised I’d made a very grave mistake. I pulled on the chain hanging down from the cistern, and it didn’t budge.

Two things were apparent: firstly, my colleagues were all coming back from lunch in 15 minutes to film a scene in this bathroom; and secondly, I had a fake toilet full of shit.

The silver lining around this very dark cloud was that it was at least fairly neat. This meant I could use half of the newspaper to scoop the offending turd from the bowl, and then wrapped it all up in the remainder of the paper. I tip-toed down the stairs holding the grim parcel, praying that no-one had come back from lunch early.

I couldn’t bear the thought of the owner of the house returning to her house after we’d all packed up to find an awful stench coming from her bin, so the only way to dispose of the package with a clear conscience was to throw it in the open bin bag we had next to the crew’s tea urn and hope for the best.

I spent the rest of the afternoon as we filmed upstairs in a complete panic that someone would mention the smell of shit coming from the bin, or the fact that the toilet looked like it might have been used…

crushed

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